I should have known better than to get my hopes up when I heard it was 500 songs that shaped Rock n Roll week on Idol. There's some kickass stuff on there (hello: "Welcome to the Jungle"?!), but everyone pretty much played it safe (read: boring) and there weren't any really standout performances (nope, not even Cookie).
Fortunately though, there was Jason Castro and that made up for everything else.
For his first song Jason picked "I Shot the Sheriff" because, Bob Marley had dreads and smoked weed too. Unfortunately though, Jason forget #7 of the American Idol Commandments: "Thou shall not touch a song that a previous contestant has already performed to perfection." Ramiele learned this hard way when she attempted "Alone" three years ago at the beginning of this season and now Jason is learning that his version, no matter how kind the bud, will never top this legendary one.
But as usual with Jason, who gives a shit about the performance? It's everything else that's awesome. Like Jason's dopey mugging and laughing while the judges tell him how awful he was. The more he does it, the more pissed off they get. Randy and Simon want him to care so bad and practically have a conniption when he won't wipe the shit-eating grin off his face. It's masterful. I bet he did that to his teachers in high school and they kept giving him more and more detentions like in The Breakfast Club to try to get him to break it. So by the end of all this Simon's so pissed, he finally yells "What were you thinking?" (and Jason was thinking "BOB MARLEY!") And then Ryan joins in and eggs them on even more by asking them if they're "ticked off." But the most awesome part is at 4:37 where Jason actually mouths the words :"DON'T VOTE!" Watch it, he totally does.
For his second song, Jason stuck with this week's theme of "Songs by People Named Bob" and sang "Mr. Tambourine Man" by Bob Dylan:
Oops, he accidentally forgot some of the words! ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE!!! (I'd bet a dime bag on it!) Because he knew that American Idol Commandment #1 is "Thou shall not forget the lyrics" (Sit down Wayne Brady, nobody called your ass) and he also knew that would send Simon over the edge. I just wish he picked "Unchained Melody" (which btw, would fit the Bob theme!) instead. I think he mouths "No" at the end when Ryan's telling us to vote.
You just gotta love this guy, he's taking not giving a shit to a level Sanjaya Malakar's mohawk could never reach! We salute you Jason Castro, you truly are a real man of genius!
RING, RING!
Hello? .... Oh, hey David, what are you up to? .... Just phoning in some Duran? That's cool I guess. You're allowed. I mean, I wish you would have done something really awesome, but it's ok, you can't be expected to turn in a phenomenal performance every time. And luckily, your dad isn't Mr. Archuleta, so at least you don't have to worry about getting hit........... Oh, don't be so hard on yourself Cookie, it's because you've set the bar so high for yourself.............. Really dude, you need to relax. Listen, after this, go chill with Jason. He's apparently got some really good shit tonight, kay?....What's that? What am I wearing? Oh nothing really, just a smile and some body paint in the shape of a crossword puzzle. Ooh, your hot wordnerd ass likes that, don't you? What? You wanna solve five down? That's a really long word you know, it goes down to my.... Wait, what? Song's over? Well shit! Ok, talk to you later then. Bye! No you hang up! No you hang up! No you! No you!
David actually did show up for the second song (which is NOT called "Teenage Wasteland" people!). Simon even welcomed him back. But still, it was kind of like showing up to work with a hangover: off. Not that I ever show up to work with a hangover. Or write on a blog all day during work. Never.
Soon to drop the Mercado and just be SYESHA!
For a minute I thought I accidentally hit the button on the DVR and started a replay of the Grammys but then I was like "that's not Beyonce!"
Syesha is awesome because every week she pulls out all the stops in an effort to stay in the competition. She is the yin to Jason Castro's yang. This performance was as over-the-top as one could hope for. And yay to that because at least somebody really tried this week!
The Syesha concert continued when Syesha brought the house down (well everyone in the house except for Randy Jackson, that is) with "A Change is Gonna Come." This was arguably the best of the night (by arguably, I mean that the only person arguing is Randy Jackson). And guess what folks? She's human!! Tears!! Who knew? Syesha gets very emotional when the judges (except Randy) finally give her the praise she's been longing for week after week after week.
Congrats Syesha!! (Now please stop talking about how the lyrics of the song are about the civil rights movement and how they parallel your experience on American Idol before you lose any votes from people who think you are actually comparing your experience on American Idol to the civil rights movement! Even though, this season, there might be something to that.)
Did I mention Randy is a douche? Well guess what Randy? I'm not posting your little golden boy's boring songs because I can't bear to sit through watching him sing them and you come all over yourself again. So take that!
Instead, let's watch Jason again:
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