ASSHAT IDOL: Dolly Parton Week

MOST AWESOME PERFORMANCE:


This was the most awesome performance from last night for many reasons. First, he finally shut everyone up about the whole covering covers "controversy" (which never was controversial) by doing an original arrangement and doing it very well. Second - THE HAIR!! Hello? Definitely upped the hotness quotient. Thank you American Idol stylists! (now go work on Carly before Simon has a chance to insult her again!)

Sadly, the biggest reason this was so awesome though is because of the news that came out today. You'd never guess from his performance that David was having heart palpitations and high blood pressure due to the stress of his cancer-stricken brother's recent medical setback. He was taken to the hospital after the show and given medication to bring his blood pressure down and his condition will continue to be monitored.

Here's hoping both the Cook brothers pull through and feel better! I'll be so bummed if he leaves the show!


MOST AWESOMELY BAD PERFORMANCE:


I'm gonna have to give this one to Ryan Seacrest's lame-ass attempt at an April Fool's Day joke about American Idol being canceled due to the vocal coaches being on strike. A much better gag would have been if he said David Archuleta had to leave the show because he went nuts and (rightfully) offed his father so they'd be bringing back the "Brothers Forever" guy to sing in his place.


LIVING TO SEE ANOTHER DAY:



Kristy Lee Cook lucked out again with it being country (Dolly Parton) night. She wasn't terrible and she looked nice (note the french pedicure Ryan was very fond of). I was almost starting to warm up to her a little until she attempted to Noriega Simon. Bitch please.


SPEAKING OF "BITCH PLEASE":


Ok, who was surprised that Syesha picked this song? My guess is: everyone that got punked by Ryan's April Fools Day joke. Yes, she did do some of the Dolly version and that one note was pretty awesome but still.

AND - another song that could be construed as an affair song!!!


I ACTUALLY LIKED HER THIS WEEK:



Carly sounded great, didn't scare the shit out of me, and there was some actual emotion there for once. Dolly Parton is magic! Simon was really mean to her about her clothes though and pretty much called her a frumpy fatass which was rude, but kind of true (not that she's fat, but the clothes don't compliment her). Maybe now that the stylists have completed the David Cook project they can get to Carly. And if that doesn't work, call Stacy and Clinton.


I ACTUALLY KIND OF LIKED HIM THIS WEEK:



I didn't fall asleep or get the munchies once during Jason's performance! Loved when Dolly grabbed his dreads,it's just too bad they didn't fall out in her hands!

LOSIN' THE LOVE:



NOTE TO BROOKE: Please be quiet when the judges are giving you criticism!


GOOD JOB AUSSIE, NOW JUST LOSE THE FREAKING ASCOT:



Yeah, that was pretty hot.


STILL WATCHING A FUCKING TELETHON:



At first I thought the judges were praising him so much because he was the chosen one. Now, I think they're just trying to save him a beating.

GOING HOME:



"Do I ever cross your mind?" No.