Shut the hell up, we all saw you laughing at her!

Rihanna is the latest person to jump on the Leave Britney Alone train. Here's what she has to say (now) in a recent interview when asked about Brit's tour de force VMA performance:

"You can't judge her performance without knowing what was going on with her personally. She had so much pressure for that one performance. I'm telling you, it's not easy being on that stage. I performed for a minute and a half, and I was extremely nervous. To have the amount of pressure that Britney had? I don't know what I would've done. She did her best, so leave her alone."

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Backpeddle--eddle---eddle...

Get her Chrissy!

McWhatever

Does anyone even care about Katharine McPhee?

Nevermind then. I was gonna tell you that she's engaged to that creepy dude she's been dating that's like 60 years old.

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Good News Ladies (and young boys)!!!

Woo hoo, get that Jesus Juice on ice! Michael Jackson is NOT married!

Earlier this week, many hearts were crushed when reports came out that Jacko had married his children's nanny, Grace Rwaramba. However now his spokeswoman has released a statement that the rumors are false:

"Wide-spreading reports regarding Michael Jackson being married are not true. Documents stating otherwise are a hoax."

I know you all are relieved that this hot piece is still on the market.

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All this celebrity generosity is starting to make me sick!! Kidding! So Shakira is donating $40 million, yes that's FORTY million dollars, to help rebuild areas in Peru and Nicaragua hit by recent natural disasters. The money is coming from a foundation co-founded with Nobel Prize winning author Gabriel Garcia Marquez called Latin America for Solidarity Foundation (ALAS)

Shakira said, "I've seen first-hand many of the challenges facing Latin America.
These are challenging problems that no one person can address, but working together everyone can help make a difference."

Shakira is awesome. Top that one Angelina!

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By the way, sorry I'm being so soft today. I'm still really bummed out by the end of last night's Ugly Betty.

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Nominees

Remember when...

The nominees for the latest class of inductees into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame were announced today. The nominees are Madonna, The Beastie Boys, John Mellencamp, Donna Summer, Afrika Bambaataa, Chic, singer-songwriter Leonard Cohen, the The Dave Clark Five and the The Ventures. Only five of these nine nominees will be inducted though and will be announced in January. So that means Madonna, Beastie Boys, John Mellencamp, Donna Summer, and one of the other ones will be honored at the induction ceremony in New York on New York on March 12, 2008.

To be eligible, a performer or group must have released a first single or album at least 25 years ago. Yup, we all feel pretty damn old right now, don't we?

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Who's Knocked Up?

PEOPLE has confirmed that Melissa Joan Hart (or Sabrina. Or Clarissa if you're old-school.) is four-months pregnant with her second child with husband Mark Wilkerson. Congrats Melissa! Or Sabrina. Or Clarissa!



There is a rumor that the gorgeous Eva Mendes is also expecting after she was spotted at a yoga class for pregnant women. Here's a recent photo. Hmmm. Baby bump or big lunch?

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Hotel Rwanda Hilton

Continuing (to appear) to make good on her promise of post-prison philanthropy, Paris Hilton is planning to visit Rwanda later this year. She has reportedly been invited by Scott Lazerson, whose year-old Playing for Good charity assists celebrities in getting involved with organizations that benefit those in need.

"I want to visit more countries where poverty and children's issues are a big concern," she said. "I know there's a lot of good I can do just by getting involved and bringing attention to these issues."

Dammit Paris, you are making it harder for me to make fun of your skanky ass when you pull shit like this!

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Hey Sandra, can you take back all the mental images too?

In Do-We-Even-Still-Care? news, comedienne Sandra Bernhard is pulling a Marcia Brady regarding her relationship with Madonna in the late 80's. She is now saying that while they were very close friends, they were never lovers, even though they implied they were at the time.

Sandra said, "I don't mind being asked about Madonna. It was awesome at the time. We had a really funny friendship and kind of played with the press and the media. It was before the internet and there was still a little bit of allure and excitement and fun to it."

I don't know why, but this pisses me off a little. I kinda feel used. That was the first time as a child I can remember learning what a lesbian was.


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Are we still playing this game?

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal were spotted canoodling by the fire (Stop laughing!) at a party at Carrie Fisher's house Sunday night after attending Rufus Wainwright's tribute to Judy Garland's 1961 Carnegie Hall concert (Hardy, har, har, Judy Garland, we get it.) at the Hollywood Bowl.

A source said: "Jake and Reese were sitting by the fire all night, talking. Everyone was talking, laughing and celebrating Rufus, but they were deep, deep in conversation. It was like there was no one else in the world."

Jake and Reese attended the concert with Jake's father, Stephen Gyllenhaal, and his actress godmother Jamie Lee Curtis (I had no clue she was his godmother. That would mean she could also be his godfather too right?) bringing on speculation that the two, who have yet to confirm that they are dating, (Ok, seriously, stop it! ) are getting serious.

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I don't know what's so funny. I'm sure after their intense, in-depth conversation about Judy Garland they had some hot and nasty sex.

New Trend: Being Generous

It's really refreshing to hear stuff like this.

' Bridget Jones' star [Renee Zellwegger] met Bobbi Brown make-up artist Wendy Faracino in the shoe department of the Southampton branch of Saks Fifth Avenue while they were both admiring a pair of Manolo Blahniks last week.

A source told the New York Post newspaper: 'Wendy was on her lunch break and was standing gazing longingly at the pair of Manolos when Renée strolled up to her and the pair began chatting about the shoes.

'A few minutes after she went back to work, the shoe department manager brought Wendy a gift-wrapped box and told her 'These are compliments of Renée Zellweger. She wanted you to have them.' 'It was the Manolos.' '

Generousity seemes to be contagious because Colin Farrell recently spread his wealth by taking a homeless man shopping for a $2,100 wardrobe and renting him a room for a full year. The total came to over $10,000!

I don't even care if there were PR stunts, those people made out. It's kind of like that movie Pay It Forward (by the way, if you haven't seen it, don't. It's really sad at the end) Go Renee and Colin! If I were rich and famous I'd do the same thing.

Actually, no, I probably wouldn't, I'm a selfish bitch.


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At least nobody called her Aretha

New York Daily News recently ran a story about how Mariah Carey had nine assistants on hand at the recent VH1's Save the Music Foundation GALA last Thursday night in New York. Those nine assistants included, among others, a brush holder, a hot-roller carrier, a double-stick taper, a butcher, a baker, and a candle-stick maker.

In addition to the nine assistants, Mariah had eight bodyguards (entourage count: 17) who surrounded her and yelled "Get out of the way! Mariah's coming!" to not only nobodies like us, but also to the other celebrities.

As you can imagine this pissed off quite a few people. The NY Post reported that Vanessa Carlton was "overheard cackling, rolling her eyes and making nasty comments throughout Carey's acceptance speech."

And, according to Gawker.com, Mariah also got dissed upon her arrival for dinner at the Waverly Inn that night when someone yelled out "We love and support you Britney! When someone corrected that person that it wasn't Britney (bitch), the joker loudly responded, "Oh, sorry Lindsay, good luck with your demons."

That shit's almost as awesome as Mariah.

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Wanna feel old?

Madonna is currently working on lining up concert dates for a world tour next year to celebrate her 50th birthday. It will be called "MADONNA AT 50." She turns the big 5-0 in August 2008.

Rumor is that Madonna will be re-working many of her classics in honor of her milestone birthday.

Here are some of the titles in progress:

"Burning Up (Menopause Remix)"

"Get Into Those Prunes"

"Bran Cereal Girl"

"Papa Don't Die"

"Frozen (Extended Botox mix)"

"Nothing Like a Virgin"

"Don't Tell Me...it's on the tip of my mind.."

"Keep It Together (Metamucil forever and ever)"

"True Blue (Viagra edition)"


(Ok, I'm spent. Add some more guys!)

In all seriousness though, Madge looks better than a lot of women half her age. Case in point:


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Indiana Jones and the Dumbass from Oklahoma playing a Dancing Russian Soldier

PAGE SIX reports that one of the dumbass extras working on the new "Indiana Jones" film is in big trouble after revealing some of the movie's top-secret plot points in an interview with his hometown paper.

The entire cast and crew of "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" had to sign non-disclosure agreements by order of both George Lucas and Steven Spielberg (yeah,two people an aspiring actor really should NOT piss off) But "dancing Russian soldier" or maybe I should say "former-dancing Russian soldier" Tyler Nelson didn't quite understand that.

In an interview with Oklahoma's Edmond Sun newspaper Tyler revealed the followign spoilers:

* Indy, played once again by Harrison Ford, and the Soviet army are both searching for a priceless skull made of crystal in the jungles of South America. (well in Tyler's defense, you can get that much from the title)

* The Russians take Indy hostage and then blackmail him by threatening to kill his ex-girlfriend and mother of his son, Marion Ravenwood, portrayed by Karen Allen. Cast as the son is Shia LaBeouf.

* Cate Blanchett plays an evil Russian who grills Indy. "I saw Harrison Ford strapped to a chair and being interrogated," Nelson told the paper. Word is this one's false and that Nelson simply mistook Harrison's Acorn Stairlift for a set prop.

*There is no opening number by Kate Capshaw. (BOOOOO!)

Spielberg's spokesman, Marvin Levy, would not confirm or deny these spoilers but did say in response to Nelson: "Who knows whether that particular person will ever work in this town again?"

In too little too late news, Page Six contacted Nelson who said"No comment. I'm not supposed to talk about it."


Asshat Hollywood, however, was able to get a comment out of Tyler. We caught up with him on his way out of a meeting with the man below. When asked how he felt about everything, Tyler responded, "My heart is broken."




We have also learned that the role of the dancing Russian soldier has been recast with Chris Crocker.

Van Halen Tour Sneak Peek

If anyone's wondering how the Van Halen tour will be (before it implodes that is) here's some rehearsal footage from September 16th.

Dave needs more sequins and Wolfie looks out of place, but you know, it ain't bad. Not bad at all. They sound pretty damn good.

1:35 A.M.

After a night of partying at the FOX Eco-Casino party at the Area nightclub, Kiefer Sutherland was stopped by police after making an illegal U-turn in on La Cienga and Beverly in West Hollywood. He was given a Breathalyzer and failed, allegedly blowing more than twice the legal limit of .08.

4:09 A.M.:

Kiefer was booked on DUI at the LA Sheriff's Department.


5:42 A.M.:

Kiefer was released on $25,000 bail.


As of 8:48A.M.:
A rep for Sutherland could not immediately be reached for comment.


October 16:
Kiefer will face a judge.

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Sex Shots

The Sex and the City movie is currently filming in New York City and the following photos have surfaced. It looks AWESOME!!!!!








Ok, ok, to see the real photos click here


Speaking of the movie, word is that the claws have already come back out between Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker after Kim reportedly stormed out "scowling" from the reunion party for the cast held at the NYC restaurant Butter over the weekend to celebrate the start of filming. Awww, just like old times!

Timberfuck lives up to his name

Remember the most awesome episode of Punk'd?

Justin Timberfuck has come clean about the reason that two of his recent concerts in California were cancelled. Originally he claimed that he strained his voice after his performance at the VMA's, but there were rumors that the real reason he cancelled the shows was because he drank one too many wine spritzers at the afterparty (that would mean he drank two -- you know that's all he can handle.).

Justin revealed that he's a big fat liar at a recent show in San Jose when he said, "Certain bloggers said I cancelled because I was hungover and they were right… I was."

He must be taking lessons in pissing off your fans from his ex-girl Brit.

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New Babymamas!

Congrats to Salma Hayek who gave birth to a baby girl, Valentina Paloma Pinault, on Friday, September 21st. Her publicist said in a statement, "Mother and child are doing well."
It is the first child for the 41-year-old actress, who is engaged to French businessman Francois-Henri Pinault. Salma is currently deflating.

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Congrats also to "Dancing with the Stars" co-host Samantha Harris who gave birth on Sunday to Josselyn Sydney Hess. Guess what Samantha's publicist said? Yup, both mother and child are doing well. Meanwhile, Samantha's temporary replacement of tonight's premiere of "Dancing With the Stars" is a "surprise." Yawn, ten bucks it's Lisa Rinna.

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Thank God for Debbie!

I don't care what anyone says. Debbie Harry rules. How many 60 year olds do you know that can pull this look off? Ok, so she's not exactly pulling it off, but she sure is awesome for wearing it.

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Oh Marcia, oh Marcia, oh Marcia

"Damn, Jan, please wash that shit!"

So first we found out that Mr. Brady liked dudes. Then there was that story about Greg hooking up with Mrs. Brady. Then we heard how Greg hooked up with Marcia, Peter with Jan, and Bobby with Thindy. Then there was that really kinky one about Alice and Tiger (Sam the butcher was really upset when he heard about that one. Strange how we never saw Tiger again. He was a butcher. I'm just sayin.')

Now those horny Bradys are at it again.

It has been revealed that Maureen McCormick's upcoming autobiography contains a bombshell that she and Eve Plumb (Jan) once had a lesbian fling. According to the book, Maureen started to develop feelings that Eve was one groovy chick who was a happening in a far-out way.

A source said: “The most explosive comments will be how the then blonde, blue-eyed cutie developed a crush on Eve Plumb, which led to some sexual play. This book will certainly come as a shocker. While Maureen is not a lesbian, she reveals there were some sexual hijinks going on behind the scenes.”

Oh those Bradys and thier sexual hijinks! Well, we know Mom always said "don't play ball in the house." She never did say anything about munchin' on the carpet. I bet they got it on in a potato sack.

In all seriousness though, hey Bradys please stop revealing all your kinky, incestious, exploits! I know you all weren't really related, but to America, you were. Face it! The Brady Bunch is an institution and this kind of stuff ruins cheapens it for everybody! I don't care if you're all broke and have to do VH1 reality shows. I swear, if I hear that Sam the Butcher molested Cousin Oliver I'm gonna have to off myself!

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UPDATE: The publisher is now denying this rumor.

New Aging Rocker Bitchfight

Kid and Tommy are so yesterday. Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols has called out Sting, or rather "Stink," as he likes to call him.

Johnny recently said of the long-awaited Police reunion tour, "That really is a reformation isn't it? But honestly that's like soggy old dead carcasses. You know listening to Stink trying to squeak through 'Roxanne' one more time that's not fun."

In related news, the Sex Pistols have announced plans for a reunion concert.


Personally I think these two should make up and form a band called the Tantric Sex Pissedoldmen. Ba-dum- crash!! I'm here all week folks!

(Ok, stop the tomatoes! I think I'm gonna quit for the day. Or maybe I'll apply to TMZ.)


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Mama, I 'm not coming for a long time

"We're gonna go crazyy!!"

Careful, the following mental image may get you really hot and bothered.

Sharon Osbourne says Ozzy is a sex maniac and keeps going and going and.........

"He's like a rabbit, he's terrible. Every song gets him in the mood for love. He's just like that battery-powered bunny. Instead of that little rabbit they should have Ozzy's willy banging a drum."

Well, he does shake alot.

Sharon doesn't stop there. She also wants everyone to know that Ozzy is hung. "My husband takes a size 14 shoe and has massive hands. He doesn't need any help in that department."

Sharon then continued on, this time praising her breast implants. "We've been married nearly 25 years. The best thing I ever did was getting my bust implants. He loves them. He is like a newborn baby."

I know what everybody's thinking. WHEN'S THE SEX TAPE?


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No marriage for Jenny and Jim

Jenny McCarthy is shooting down marriage questions about wedding her boyfriend of two years, Jim Carrey, insisting that one marriage was enough for her and that she plans to remain singled out (that was horrible, sorry).

She's taking the Brangelina route by saying that they don't need no stinking piece of paper because their love is "too deep" for marriage: "There will be no certificate. It goes far deeper than that. Jim came into our life with an open heart and open arms." (Cue the Journey)

Just in case you're wondering, that crusty dude is Jim Carrey. Lookin fine, ain't he?

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Jake Byrd is the shit

Have you seen this yet?

Check out this video of the OJ Press Conference. The guy on the right in the "OJ 07" shirt and baseball cap is named Jake Byrd and you may know him from the Jimmy Kimmel show. Here he's posing as OJ's biggest fan.

I love people with balls.

BFF ALERT!

In the past, punk phenomenon, Avril Lavigne has called out Britney Spears for "dressing like a showgirl," "dancing like a hoe," and not being able to deal with the pressures of fame.

But that was before Tuesday night when the two met up at Hyde. (By the way, as I'm sure you heard, Britney was ordered to submit to random drug and alcohol tests are part of her ongoing custody battle with K-Fed so naturally, she's paying no attention.) Brit and Av then rode together to Winston's, another club. Later that night Britney went to the Beverly Hills Police Station and asked officers for an escort home.

Give it up Avril, Britney is way too punk rock for your ass.

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Feel better about yourself X 2

Don't say I never give you anything. Here's a couple photos of Pam Anderson and Kate Moss without Hollywood's magical beer googles:

Damn, put on some shoes girl!

Kate looks like she needs a trash can. Too bad Pete's no longer around.

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Look at what you've done America

So this morning I'm in the car driving to work and guess who I hear on the local morning show?

Yup.

There's no escaping Chris Crocker. He is now a part of pop-culture history. We'll be seeing his "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE" clip on VH1's "I Really Didn't Love the 00's Much" in twenty years.

It's sort of touching. Before last week, Chris was just a misunderstood 19-year old living in his grandmother's basement. But now he's America's newest sweetheart (suck it Hayden Panettwhatever- you blew it with that ugly Emmy dress)! He accomplished the new American Dream: to get fifteen minutes of fame as an internet celebrity!

So you go girl! By the way, you have about five seconds left.

Don't cry though, there's always Dancing With the Stars! You've already got an edge there--you'll look the best in sequins!

So here's Chris's latest rant taking on Fox News.

UPDATE: Hey, that didn't take long. Chris got his very own reality show.

What the Asshats Are Up To

"What the fuck?!!! Where am I? Why am I holding a baby? Where's Pacey?"

"Sorry guys, neither of you beat Ann Coulter." (thanks Chris Crocker!)

"Take the damn picture already."

"Grandma, I bought this just for you!"

"Damn, Demi was right! I gotta get me one of these."

"Just remember, it's High--Gull."

You know when someone means something one way but ......

One photo of that fuckface is enough, wouldn't you agree?

Surprise, surprise, OJ says he's innocent! In his defense of the armed robbery charges, the murderer was quoted as saying:

"Everybody knows this is stolen stuff. Not only wasn't there a break-in, but Thomas Riccio (the auction house owner) escorted us up to the room. In any event, it's stolen stuff that's mine. Nobody was roughed up. I'm O.J. Simpson. How am I going to rob somebody and get away with it?"

Let's hope this time, you don't.

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That's a whole lot of Desitin!!

In Touch Weekly is reporting that Jennifer Lopez is pregnant!!

An insider claims that J-Lo and Marc learned of the pregnancy after visiting fertility specialist Dr. Robert Katz and receiving the results of an ultrasound performed on September 12th. The test calculated that she was about 12 weeks pregnant.

The source also said that the couple has been trying to get pregnant for the past two years, and eventually turned to in vitro fertilization.

But wait, there's more! In Touch also reports that it could be twins! "The way the fetus is lying made it difficult for the doctor to tell if there was more than one baby in there" a "pal" added.

Now please don't take this as fact. I did some extensive research via Google, and found this . (check the date) Seems In Touch really, really, really wants a baby J-Lo.

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I do hope it is true though. Jen has wanted a baby for a very long time. Plus, judging by this composite, look how adorable the little bundle of alegría will be!:

Bullshit quote of the day

Saint Angelina recently told Britain's Cosmopolitian magazine that she has only slept with four men.

On being a slut: "It was never true. I had only slept with four men in my life - and I married two of them!"

For those counting that would be Brad Pitt, Billy-Bob Thornton, Johnny Lee Miller and one other person.


Then again, maybe she's not lying, she never said she only had sex with four men.

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