Low ratings? Pay people to watch!

This past Monday Vince McMahon announced on WWE Raw that beginning next week he would give away one million dollars to viewers during the live program every Monday. He even more or less said it was a desperate attempt to try to gain more viewers. Hey, at least he's honest! To register, go to http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/mania/

Vince referred to the money as "his own" but it turns out he's giving away the rest of the "Hulk Hogan Special Appearance Account" now that Hulk's family is such a hot mess the WWE is afraid they'll bring down the class level. Ok, that's speculation.

Where in the world is Kurt Cobain?

Courtney Love is reportedly "suicidal" after Kurt Cobain's ashes were stolen from her home in LA after a break-in last month.

She kept Kurt's ashes, along with a lock of his hair in a pink bag shaped like a teddy bear.

Courtney said, "I can't believe anyone would take Kurt's ashes from me. I find it disgusting right now I'm suicidal. If I don't get them back I don't know what I'll do. They were all I had left of my husband. I used to take them everywhere with me just so I could feel Kurt was still with me. Now it feels like I have lost him all over again."

So when she says suicidal, does she mean she would kill herself or that she would make it look like she killed herself?

So far, no sign of Kurt's ashes on ebay.

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Geez, Madonna picked the wrong kid.

Madonna's adoption of David Banda was finally finalized last week so you would think that would be the end of the nearly two-year drama.

Nope. Little David's biological father, Yohane Banda has now decided that he wants to fight for visitation rights to the child. A little late, no?

Yohane claims government officials promised him access his son every three to four years as part of the adoption arrangement and he is now looking into his legal rights to see the child.

He said, "I love the boy and it was in his best interests to put him in the orphanage. Because I support the adoption I would not want to put up a challenge that would reverse it, but I might challenge some aspects of the order. I am discussing with my family about following up on having access to the child. We will not leave things the way they are - we will do something about it."

What is with this guy? He's the most wishy-washy deadbeat dad ever! I think he's starting to realize that Madonna is rich and he missed out on getting something out of the deal. Madonna should just let him live in the mansion. I'm sure she can find a job for him. Maybe he can be a backup dancer or something. And they can make a reality show out of their life together and call it "All in the Malawian Family." And who knows? There's all those rumors about things with Guy seeming to be strained, so maybe the two of them can hook up.

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Young Hillary Clinton

So everybody is wondering why Hillary still has not bowed out of the race for the Democratic Party's nomination even though she lost.

This video may explain things:

Who the hell asked your skanky ass?

Tila Tequila recently gave Lindsay Lohan some advice on coming out via Usmagazine. "I think that the fact that everyone knows about it makes it fine. Just go all out with it! If you’re going to do something, do it all out."

Ok, so Tila, why don't you practice what you preach? Everybody knows that your stupid reality dating show is a sham and that you have a longterm boyfriend so why don't you just come out with that? And also that you are talentless famewhore skank? You know, just go all out with it!

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For a good time call...

So Cameron Diaz has been having some fun lately.

First she hooked up with Diddy at a party at Prince's house. It all started when Cameron was seen spoon-feeding Diddy bread pudding. Yeah, bread pudding. At Prince's house. Are you imagining little purple dessert bowls too? Anyway, then they went into the basement together and got it on. Allegedly.

But Diddy's old news now. Two days later Cameron was spotted looking "really" flirty with model Paul Sculfor (he dated Jennifer Aniston last year) at a restaurant in Santa Monica. They left together after two hours.

Cam recently said, "People think if you're single, you are incomplete. No. The thing is, I don't want to be in a relationship that makes me incomplete."

Hey Cam, it's nice to have a good time and all, but maybe you should keep your hook-ups a little more on the downlow or people are going to start thinking you're a complete slut.

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What the F is going on?

Ok, what the hell is going on? All the news lately has been so depressing these past few days. We lost some legends: Yves Saint-Laurent, Bo Diddley, Harvey Korman. Then yesterday Tatum O'Neal was arrested for buying crack and Kelsey Grammar had a heart attack. I won't even bring up Clay Aiken procreating again!

Geez, what else?

And you can't even escape for a couple hours by watching tv because the only shows on are Living off Lindsay Lohan and a shit-eating pig on Denise Richards: It's not really that Complicated , I'm just a has-been slut (and I'm not talking about her pets.)

I need to laugh? Can anybody please make me laugh?



Thank you!