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Owen Wilson escaping with model

Last week's rumors that Owen Wilson was dating Jessica Simpson appear to be just that. PEOPLE reports that Owen is dating a model named Le Call. Yeah, her name is Le Call, like Le Bag (I still see people with those!).

An insider revealed to PEOPLE "She is dating him." Wow, that sure is some juicy gossip! The two have been spotted together having dinner and at a yoga class.

But all the recent attention just may be scaring Le Call. Another source said, "Le Call is totally overwhelmed by all of this attention. She isn't used to it. So they will be leaving town tomorrow to escape – and traveling a great distance."

Good for them. What ever happened to Owen's privacy anyway? I guess he's all better now that he's dating a model. Run Le Call and Owen!! Run!!

Ninety-six asshats need a kick in the head

In an effort to show what a generous children-loving person she is, Britney Spears is auctioning off a (as in "ONE") signed copy of her latest CD, Blackout on eBay with 100% of the proceeds going to UNICEF. For some reason Britney has teamed up with photo agency X17 to run the auction. Oh yeah, because she's a moron and can't post an eBay auction by herself.

Brit said, via a press released issued by X17, "I think it's important to give back and with the release of Blackout, this seemed like the perfect opportunity to give the fans a chance to bid on something to help children everywhere."

How generous of her! I'm being serious. See normally, I'd say something like "this bitch makes $750,000 a month and the best she can do is sign ONE CD for charity?!" But we all know that Brit's been having to shell out lots of her cash to K-Fed for his lawyer fees and for taking care of those pesky children. She probably barely has enough left for Starbucks and Marlboros so give her a break and LEAVE HER ALONE! (oh that's all played out? Sorry.)

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE AUCTION

What I can't believe is that there are currently 96 bids and that bid amount is up to $7,200.00!!! The Fuck? That's a pre-owned car! Or a European vacation. Or 15157 Frappicuinos! Who are these people? Asshats, that's who. Hey, 96 morons, you want a Britney Spears autograph? HERE YOU GO! There's one for $7.95 and that's when she was hot.

And don't give me that whole "it's for charity" argument. Wanna donate to UNICEF? Do it here without the paparazzi middleman.

More Crazy Celebrity Divorce Hijincks

Former Baywatch babe Donna D'Errico collapsed in the restroom of a Los Angeles courtroom on Friday after complaining of breathing problems. This happened in the middle of court proceedings to determine how assets should be divided in her divorce from Nikki "I died" Sixx of Motley Crue.

Donna requested the hearing be delayed Thursday, the day before she collapsed, citing her health condition and also because she doesn't have a lawyer (HUH?! You crazy?). The judge denied the request and forced Donna to represent herself Thursday and Friday.

Sources say that her voice was so hoarse that she was barely audible in court.

Paramedics were called after Donna's collapse and she was able to walk out unassisted. Donna is going with the Marie Osmond explanation that her breathing issues were related to asthmatic bronchitis aggravated by recent wildfires near her home.

Meanwhile Nikki has had his friends spy on Donna and testify in court that they have seen her out and about at such places as a church, a restaurant, and a sporting goods store. They also spotted her walk up a long stairway at a beach. I guess this is because he thinks she's lying about being sick?? Church? THAT BITCH!

On the fainting incident Nikki said, "She fainted, so what? Did she overdose and die and come back? No? Well I did. So there."

Nikki is also considering writing a book and accompanying soundtrack about the divorce trial titled "The Gold-digging Bitch Diaries."

SOURCE

Yikes!! Don't Mess With the Thetans!!

Controversial biographer Andrew Morton has been forced into hiding following alleged threats made on his life by the Church of $cientology over a revealing biography he has written about Tom Cruise.

The biography reportedly exposes all kinds of dirt on Tom's sexuality and all the kooky alien stuff. I'm sure the contracts with Nicole and Katie are in there too.

So basically, the biography contains a lot of stuff everybody already knows.

But we all know how Little Tommy gets his panties all bunched up when someone dares bring any of that stuff up. Morton claims he has been forced to "disappear" and sell his London home as a result of the threats made to him while attempting to research Tom's life for the book.

Morton told the British newspaper The Sunday Express, "I have received threats from the Scientologists and things have become pretty heavy - to the extent that it's almost more than my lawyers can handle. I've sold my flat and I'm not telling anyone where I'm moving to. I intend to disappear for a while."

Morton added that researching the Royal Family was "a walk in the park" compared to this latest project.

Sorry but it's over for you Andrew. You can't hide from the $cientologists. They've got laser beams and stuff like that. They're gonna find you and sue you and erase your brain and you'll be writing a romance novel about the great love of Tom and Katie in no time.


SOURCE

Lindsay wants to be an adequete magnet

In bizarre celebrity news of the day, Lindsay Lohan is reportedly taking lessons to turn herself into a human magnet. She has hired a man from Romania named Aurel Raileanu to teach her how to lift metallic objects with her mind. This guy's no joke, he's listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the most powerful human magnet after lifting a 50 pound television set.

Lindsay says of her new interest, "I've always been interested in off-the-wall abilities. And this is a really interesting phenomenon. I'd love to find out more about it and try and pinpoint what causes these supernatural abilities."

Plus, it comes in handy when you misplace your coke spoon!

SOURCE

Paris is big in South Korea (in every possible sense of the word)

Paris Hilton made an appearance at a BMW car show in South Korea last weekend. Hundreds of (apparently tiny) adoring fans crammed into the popular Seoul nightclub, Circle, to catch a glimpse of the classy beauty.

The Sun quoted some of the fans: "We love Paris. She's so great!" and "She's very popular here in South Korea."

The brainwashed Koreans were treated to a performance when Paris sang stirring renditions of Like a Virgin by Madonna and Slave 4 U by her former BFF, Britney.

Paris then squashed the crowd with her gigantic freakish feet.