Ummmmmmm

Madonna's lawyers are working hard to stop the sale of intimate photographs she had taken with her ex-boyfriend James Allbright in the early 90's. Madonna is said to be "devastated" and is concerned the photos will jeopardize her permanent adoption of David Banda from Malawia (that's still going on?)

Wow, I sure hope the lawyers can stop those photos from being sold and save Madonna's wholesome, children's book-writing image!




Want more? Check it out, I found the whole SEX book online.

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Bobby Brown is nuts!

In a bizarre item in the NY Post today, Bobby Brown was quoted as saying that he thinks Osama Bin Laden wants to kill him because he (Osama) is in love with Whitney Houston. Bobby even went as far as hiring extra security to protect him on his recent tour in Australia, where apparently, people pay to see him sing.

He said,"I figure if Bin Laden wants me, and everybody is looking for him, it probably won't happen. But if he wants to try and find me for something so stupid, he can do what he wants. I have to leave it in the hands of my higher power. Come on, if anybody [else was] threatened by Al Qaeda, they'd take it seriously."

Well, he does have a point, I'd take pretty much anyone else seriously.

"See now why you gotta say that? Don't be cruel."

Um, sorry Bobby. It's just kind of ridiculous, you know? Osama Bin Laden after you of all people. I think you may just be a wittle bit paranoid. Probably smoking the pot again aren't you?

"For you information, he IS after me and I have proof."

Ok, I'll bite. NO NOT REALLY MORON! Get the hell away from me! I mean, show me the proof.

"It's this letter..... I can't even read it."

Well that's because you can't read.

"You read it."

Ok, 'Dear Mr. Brown: You are required to pay past due child support payments totaling........' Dumbass! This is a child support payment letter!

"Oh............."THAT'S EVEN SCARIER!!!"

Ok, Bobby, thanks for stopping by but you really must be going now, I think there might be a new picture of Britney in a hideous outfit that I have to get to.

"So that's it? Nobody cares that Osama Bin Laden is trying to kill me? I should just go paint a target on my chest and stand in the middle of Times Square."


Whatever, it's your prerogative.

"Damn bitch." (storms off)

"Excuse me, have you seen that infidel Bobby Brown? I must KILL him so I can make that lovely songstress made of chocolate who has been brainwashed by American culture one of my wives."

I think he went thatta way.




That silly Bobby Brown is so paranoid!

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Hear that noise? That's John Lennon rolling over in his grave (again)

The Beatles are getting shit on, literally. Michael Jackson has licensed the use of their song "All You Need is Love" for a series of Luvs diaper commercials. (Sony/ATV now owns the rights to the Beatles back catalog, but Wacko still has a stake in it.)

No word yet on the sale of "A Hard Day's Night" to Viagra.

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Breaking News!

Mary-Kate Olson smiles!!!

I don't believe it, it has to be gas.

I still have never and will never watch an episode of The View

Whoopi Goldberg is the newest co-host of the View! That's all. I can't think of anything more to add because I truly don't give a squirt.

(Nothing against Whoopi. I loved Sister Act)

Pete says I dumped her! Kate takes a bath.

Pete Doherty opened up to The Sun yesterday about his now over (but inevitable soon-to-be-back-on) relationship with Kate Moss. You really need to click the link and read the whole thing because there are pictures of Pete with his new blonde hair making a crack pipe. (I'd post them, but I'd get in trouble because of licenses--Ok fine, I can't figure out how to get around the copyright thing, ok? Happy now?)

Here are some tidbits:

Pete compares the end of his relationship with Kate to the Vietnam war. "I was always dodging bullets."(Oh? Dodging bullets? I thought he said that because many of the soldiers in Vietnam used heroin.)

Pete claims that he left Kate and not the other way around. He also denied he begged her to take him back: “Why would I beg to have her back? (because you're broke) Why would she come back? (because she's crazy) She hasn’t spoken to me.”

Pete also denied that he cheated on Kate. “Obviously there has been the stuff about me cheating but that was after a bad period of arguments. I didn’t cheat on her. In the past when we talked about what would happen if she caught me cheating, I’d say, ‘I bet you’d chop my bits off. But she’d say, ‘No, I’d never speak to you again’ — like my dad doesn’t — as she knows that would hurt me. That’s what she’s done.” So then you just admitted you cheated on her?

He had another of those anti-drugs implants put in a week and insisted he was “clean", but his eyes were red and he made a crackpipe from a nip bottle. A source speculated: “It’s true Pete has packed in heroin but he’s finding it hard to kick everything else. He was on so much drugs he can’t give them all up at once.— it’s too much for him. The way his mind thinks is that he’s come off the really hard stuff and a bit of crack to help him through won’t do him any harm.” (He's got such a tolerance, I don't think being thrown in Lake Springfield would do him any harm.)

Pete claims he is being blackmailed over two CD recordings stolen from him which contain proof of another celebrity taking drugs. "I don’t know who has them but I’m worried.” (I'm gonna take a wild guess here, her initials are Kate Moss.)

Finally, the article gives us an update on Kate, who has supposedly has been taking Turkish baths to “cleanse” herself of Pete’s grubby influence on her life. (I hope the Turks use bleach.)

Now you don't have to watch the interview

News has gotten out today that Nicole Richie confirmed to Diane Sawyer that she is pregnant with Joel Madden's baby.

"Yes I am. We are. I'm almost four months."

Wow, it's a good thing they got a seasoned professional like Diane to uncover that scoop!


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