Hulk Hogan is even more delusional than we thought

Hulk Hogan recently told the Los Angeles Times that he was sent the script for the lead character in The Wrestler but passed on the movie.

He went on to say, "I don't think the public could have handled it, though. Just made me realize after seeing the movie with Mickey Rourke that if someone does the real Hulk Hogan movie, you better hang on for the ride, brother."

He continued, "[The movie] Made me realize how shock value - that just the drop of reality - can have an effect on the public. It was wrestling light. Very light version of wrestling."

If that wasn't enough, Hogan, then went on to give advice to Mickey Rourke on appearing at Wrestlemania (which after last night's episode of Monday Night Raw, looks like it is going to happen.)

Hulk said, "You don't want to jade your performance or have the Hollywood community look at you like, 'you sold out."

(I'll pause while everyone laughs over the idea of Hulk Hogan giving advice on not selling out.)

He went on to say that it was because he continued wrestling that he was never accepted by the Hollywood community and never able to become a legitimate movie star like Dwayne "Don't call me 'The Rock' " Johnson.

Yeah, that's why. Not because of dookie like this:



SOURCE

Scarlett's pissed

Looks like Woody Allen has a new muse. Woody has cast Slumdog Millionaire (anyone heard of that movie??) star, Freida Pinto his latest film.

Also on board for the unnamed project, Naomi Watts, Josh Brolin, and Sir Anthony Hopkins.

And not Scarlett Johanson!

Hopefully this will turn out better for Freida, than Pink Panther 2 did for fellow Indian actress Aishwarya Rai.

And don't feel too sorry for Scarlett. She still gets to come home to this:


SOURCE

Octomom's Mother - "I think she's crazy too!"

RadarOnline posted a video of batshit Nadya Suleman arguing with her mother. Those lips really start going when Octo loses her shit when her mother suggests giving up the babies for adoption.

Anyone else smell a sitcom? It's the next Kath and Kim!

Oscars 2009

Sorry, I had a bit of an Oscar hangover yesterday. So, hopefully everyone watched, but just in case you missed it here's the Oscars in a nutshell:



Thankfully, the horrible Hugh Jackman/Beyonce!/High School Musica/Beyonce!/Mamma Mia/Beyonce! number was not included in that highlight reel. Baz Luhrmann needs to go into the "Never Be Allowed to Stage An Oscar Performance Ever Again" file right next to Debbie Allen. (Sorry Baz, I still love Moulin Rouge!)

They actually did do a pretty classy thing this year by not cutting off any of the winners speeches with the annoying music cues.

However, they made up for that display of class by tackily teaming Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black (AKA Angelina Jolie's costar in Kung Fu Panda) as presenters for the sole purpose of getting a Jen/Angelina reaction shot:



Ugh, I have to say, well played Jolie. Poor Jen looked so nervous!

Sadly, the Best Actor win was an upset, with Sean Penn winning for Milk, however that may have been a good thing because I don't think Mickey could have topped the speech he gave the previous night at the Independent Spirit Awards:



In other Oscar news, doctors are preparing to remove the giant growth from Jessica Biel's gown. We wish them the best.


For more Oscar fashion : check this out (because I'm lazy)

The 1st Annual Assy Awards

On this Oscar Eve, we'd like to welcome you to the 1st Annual Assy Awards. However in honor of this year's big movies, I think it's appropriate to call them the Kill Your Assy Awards. Seems like every film that came out this year was a major downer. So in recognition of just how freaking much we all wanted to slit our wrists after watching these films, we'll start with our first category:

MOST DEPRESSING MOVIE MOMENT OF THE YEAR:
(Caution: these nominees contain spoilers, so if you haven't yet seen or have had these movies spoiled for you, skip to the next category.)

And the nominees are:

Home Abortion Kit: what could possibly go wrong? - Revolutionary Road

Wait a minute, this movie was actually really fucking sad. That cute Bollywood dance routine at the end doesn't change that! I mean, that Marc Anthony looking fucker BLINDED a little boy!- Slumdog Millionaire

"Whoa, I finally realize that killing hundreds of people is worse than being illiterate. I've gotta hang myself right now, but how will I ever reach my noose? Oh yeah, I can climb up on all these books! How ironic and dramatic!" --The Reader

"Hey kid, I'm broken down, washed up and have no real friends, wanna play an old Nintendo game from my glory days in my trailer? You could even tell me how much it sucks compared to new technology."-- The Wrestler

It's bad enough they killed the dog, but did they have to draw it out for So. Fucking. Long? - Marley and Me

And the Assy goes to:

Comeon now, everybody knows there is nothing worse in a movie than when a dog dies. Especially when they trick the public into thinking the movie is going to be a fun, sweet, holiday film for the whole family. To be fair, I didn't actually see it, but come on, the dog DIED. I'm sure parents everywhere that had to comfort their hysterical children on the ride home from the theater will agree with this choice.


Ok everyone, put the razor blades down, yes you too Randy the Ram. Let's lighten things up a bit, huh?

MOST AWESOME QUOTE IN A MOVIE:

"Did I ever tell you I was stuck by lightning seven times?" - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

"Then Kurt Cobain had to come along and fuck it all up" - The Wrestler

"We are going to go on a big boat." - Revolutionary Road

"You never go full retard." - Tropic Thunder

"Get off my lawn" - Gran Torino

And the Assy goes to:

"GET OFF MY LAWN"

Gotta give it to Dirty Bunker in Gran Torino. That was the only moment in that wretched movie worth watching.


MOST AWESOME MOVIE MOMENT:

Nixon drunk dials David Frost and loses his shit - Frost/Nixon

Randy the Ram blades himself --on a deli meat slicer! - The Wrestler

Paris Hilton's face falls off - Repo! The Genetic Opera

"The End" - The Reader

And the Assy goes to:

Paris Hilton's face falling off in Repo! The Genetic Opera. It really doesn't get much more awesome than that. Well, maybe if her genitals fell off too (and that wouldn't be much of a stretch for Valtrex girl). Congrats Paris!


MOST POINTLESS SCENE IN A FILM:

DISHWASHER RACE!!! - Rachel Getting Married

Sex scene #32: WE GET IT ALREADY! - The Reader

Clint Eastwood gets a shave and buys a suit... AKA: Foreshadowing sequence for all the idiots that can't see the ending of this movie coming a mile away. - Gran Torino

What the fuck? Brad Pitt shrunk down to a baby? I was buying this curious shit until this crap!- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

And the Assy goes to:



The dishwasher race in Rachel Getting Married. TEN FUCKING MINUTES OF THIS SHIT?!!!! I stuck through it because I was really hoping that appliance would go bad like in the horror classic "Attack of the Killer Refrigerator":



but sadly, it didn't.


MOST AWESOME MUSICAL PERFORMANCE IN A FILM:

Randy and Pam's duet to "Round and Round" - The Wrestler

The groom randomly serenades his new bride with Neil Young - Rachel Getting Married

The awesomely awful vocal stylings of Pierce Bronsan -Mamma Mia!

"Zydrate Anatomy" - Repo! The Genetic Opera

And the Assy Goes to:



The movie sucked, but this song was pretty awesome (yes, even with Paris). Plus, that Graverobber dude was hot.

NOTE: Unfortunately, "Dah Duh Dah Duh Dah Duh" by Christian Bale was deemed ineligible for this year's Assy Awards since "Terminator: Salvation" has not yet been released, otherwise it would have been the clear winner.


BEST MOVIE ABOUT DOGS:

Marley and Me

Hotel For Dogs

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

And the Assy goes to:


My reasoning is this:

• Marley and Me is definitely out for reasons stated above.
• I didn't see Hotel for Dogs
• Beverly Hills Chihuahua is about the greatest breed of dogs

Best Use Of a Guns N' Roses Song In a Film:
(You knew I was gonna go there)

"If the World" - Body of Lies

"Welcome to the Jungle" - Death Race

"Sweet Child O' Mine" - The Wrestler

And the Assy goes to:



"Sweet Child O' Mine" in The Wrestler!! Since it was the only movie of those three that didn't suck! Which goes to show that even GN'R can't save a sucky movie.

Here to perform the winning song is 1988 era Guns N' Roses. (Because it's my awards show):



Best Use of Shit in a Film:

Jamal really, really wants that autograph - Slumdog Millionaire

Sucks to be the camera guy - Zach and Miri Make a Porno

And the Assy goes to:

It's a tie! Because there just weren't enough shit scenes in movies this year:




via videosift.com

Best Boobs in a Film:

Kate Winslet - The Reader

Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler

Zoe Kazan - Revolutionary Road

Meryl Streep - Doubt

And the Assy goes to:



Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler. Kate's won enough awards, and sorry, but about a half hour into The Reader, I was yelling at her to put some damn clothes on. Marisa rocked those B cups and at 44, she looked better than a lot of women half her age.

And no, I didn't read the wrong name off the card!

Oh yeah, also, I was kidding about Meryl Streep.


Best Supporting Actor:

The guy that got struck by lightning seven times - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Ron Howard's brother as the camera guy- Frost/Nixon

Diego Luna as Harvey's annoying boyfriend - Milk

Verne Troyer as Benjamin Button as a baby - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

And the Assy goes to:


Verne Troyer as baby Benjamin Button!!

What?

That wasn't Mini Me? No shit?

Ok, well I guess that was a mistake. Verne wasn't in the movie. So we are going to give the Assy to Ron Howard's brother in Frost/Nixon, because let's face it, that film ain't gonna win anything tomorrow night.


Best Supporting Actress:

Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler

Amy Adams - Doubt

Taraji P. Henson - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Rumer Willis - The House Bunny


And the Assy goes to:

Rumer Willis in The House Bunny!! Because Rumer gets a lot of shit, but this scene in The House Bunny ripped off Forrest Gump way better than the entire 2 1/2 hours of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. (sorry it's dubbed, it's the only one I could find. It makes it kind of artsy though.)




Best Actor:


Mickey. No joking here, he better fucking win tomorrow.


Best Actress:



Again, no reason even nominating anyone else, Kate Winslet for her performance at the Golden Globes. Not only did she act soooo surprised and humble, but she referred to Angelina Jolie as "the other one." You rule Kate!


Best Picture:



DUH!


Thank you so much for attending the 1st Annual Assy Awards! To take us out, in honor of Bruce Springsteen's snub, here is a medley of overlooked Oscar songs throughout the years:



See you next year!

America got it wrong....WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night on the American Idol results show, the first three members of the top 12 were chosen.

After Alexis Grace and Michael Sarver (why?) took the first two chairs of victory, it came down the goddess that is Tatiana and douchebag dead wife pimper Danny Gokey for the final two spots. After dragging it out "after the break" solely in hopes for a Tatiana meltdown, here's how it went:



Hey, Danny's friend: Cue the photo of Danny and his dead wife! Classy!

I can't believe America bought into that shit. So fucking wrong!

It really, really pisses me off. So much so, that I'm having a hard time putting it into words. So at this time, I'd like to introduce our special guest, WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Edge, to tell America just how fucking wrong they were to put Danny through instead of Tatiana.



I think that sums it up pretty well. Thank you Edge.

At least Simon agrees:



Fuck you Danny Gokey. Watch him pull some Kanye West at the 2008 Grammys bullshit.

Hopefully we haven't seen the last of Tatiana and she will be back for the wild card show.

Oh, and hey Michael "I'm a nice guy so put me through" Sarver, THIS is how you sing "I Don't Wanna Be":



If Norman Gentle doesn't get through next week, I don't know what I'm going to do.


AWESOME PHOTOCHOPS COURTESY OF VOTEFORTHEWORST.COM - well, I don't know about the courtesy part, I just kind of took them, but I am giving credit so I think that's pretty courteous.

Asshat Idol - Week 1 - Group 1 of Top 36

I don't even know why I am bothering after the suckfest that was last night. Let's just get this over with.


WORST PERFORMANCE:

Pretty much all of them were big fat failure turtles, but Casey Carlson butchering the Police was probably the suckiest:



(sorry, couldn't find a better video)



BEST PERFORMANCE:


Gotta give it to Seacrest.


SIT THE FUCK DOWN RANDY, PAULA, and WHATEVERYOURNAME IS, HE AIN'T THAT GOOD:


Danny "Have I told you about my dead wife lately? No? Well, let me tell you my sad story as I sing a sad song and point up to the sky dramatically." Gokey. Ugh. Of course he's going to make the top 12 and he's going to irritate the shit out of me every damn week.

PS - Robert Downey Jr. called, he wants his look back.


WHAT ABOUT TATIANA?


Know what? She didn't suck as much as most of the others. Someone obviously told her to take the crazy down a notch, but it had some weird results. After she was done with her song and Ryan was interviewing her on the couch (not sure if she was on the hard part) the drama came back a little and she pled to America to vote to make her dream come true.

And I did!

It ain't pretty when the pretty leaves you with no place to go

Hey, remember Rockstar:INXS? Think......

Ok, well, INXS have kicked winner J.D. Fortune out of the band, and apparently he's homeless now. (Is anyone else surprised that they were even still together? They had that one album, toured, and then we never heard from them again.)

Fortune, real name Jason Dean Bennison, recently told Canada's Entertainment Tonight how INXS delivered the news that he just wasn't roit for the band after all. JD said, "I was in an airport (in) Hong Kong and literally got a handshake. They said, 'Thank you very much.' I found myself really alone because I had traveled with these guys for 23 months. I don't know where I am going from sofa to sofa, from night to night. I am trying to get through my life."

JD also confessed that the firing might have been the result of his cocaine addiction, adding, "It got as bad as it needed to be for me to numb out the fact that I knew this was going to come to a screeching halt." He also says that he has been clean for two years.

Look for JD to appear on the next season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.

RIP Loki

"Sometimes when a man’s alone, all you got is your dog.”

This is so freaking sad. Mickey Rourke's beloved Chihuahua, Loki, has crossed over the Rainbow Bridge before getting to see her best friend win an Oscar.

Loki was 18 years old and died yesterday morning.

Mickey flew Loki to Italy for the screening of The Wrestler at the Venice Film Festival last year. He explained, "Loki is the love of my life. My dog is very old and she is not going to be around for long so I want to spend every moment with her."

Excuse me a minute..........I have something in my eye.

SOURCE

More bullshit with Nadya Suleman

"All lies. I have no interest in her. None," she says. "I've never been a fan of anybody famous. Now I kinda have a taste. But it's not being famous – it's being infamous. It's a nightmare." - Octomonster desperately trying to keep her name in the news by still denying that she is obsessed with St. Angelina.

By the way, if anyone out there is bummed that Nadya's donation website is closed, have no fear!! Donate to this guy!

SOURCE


Aren't the 15 minutes up on her yet?

16.9 Billion? Oui!

Belated congrats go out to Salma Hayek and her billionaire babydaddy Francois-Henri Pinault who wed in a small ceremony in Paris this past Saturday (Valentine's Day).

PEOPLE will reveal details of the wedding in their new issue. Salma wore white, carried red and white roses, and said her "I Do" in French.

An attendee told the magazine, "The bride was extremely beautiful, even when she was crying tears of joy. They were extremely happy."

Salma,42, and Francoi, 46 (not a typo) have been dating on and off for three years and have a daughter together.

Ca-ching!

Wham rocks!

I just heard this this morning and it's my new favorite song! I'm usually skeptical when bands cover 80's pop songs and make them heavy, but this one's pretty damn awesome. Ok, I'm a sucker for when bands cover 80's pop songs and make them heavy.



Happy Valentine's Day!

Chris Brown speaks (sort of)

Chris Brown has broken his silence on The Incident by posting an update on his private Facebook page.

The entry reads: "You'll begin to see her true colors. Believe it!"

Note to Chris, her true color is not blue. That is the color people turn when you cut off their oxygen supply.

Chris also changed his relationship status to "single." That's right ladies, he's available!!!

SOURCE

Carly 2.0 OUT!

American Idol's top 36 were just announced last night and already there's SCANDAL!!!

Joanna Pacitti (left), the contestant that already had previous recording contracts with A&M and Geffen and who also forgot the lyrics several times in the Hollywood rounds, has been replaced with Felicia Barton (right) for unknown reasons.

Ever since Joanna's first appearance on the show there have been many "ringer" screams across Idol fanboards.

All FOX is saying is: "It has been determined that Joanna Pacitti is ineligible to continue in the competition."

The cause of the disqualification is rumored to a conflict of interest due to Joanna's "private relationship" with executives of (The Evil) 19 Entertainment. Get your mind off the casting couch! Joanna reportedly once resided in the same apartment building as 19 executives Roger Widynowski and Michelle Young.

SOURCE


In more important Idol news, Nick Mitchell/Norman Gentle made the Top 36!!!

WWE gets another "Punk"

Even though the deal with Mickey Rourke appearing at Wrestlemania fell through, the WWE is still getting an Oscar nominee to appear on their programming. Ok, that's not true. But they are getting an Oscar winner's fiancee to appear on their programming.

David Otunga, aka Soon-To-Be-Mr.-Jennifer-Hudson, aka "Punk" from I Love New York 2 has signed a developmental contract with the company. He will be training at the Florida Championship Wrestling facility in Tampa.

Speaking of I Love New York, a while back there were rumors that New York herself, the lovely Tiffany Pollard was also in talks with the WWE. That still has not been confirmed. Oh please let this be true, she is perfect for the WWE! I could just picture her in a feud with Vickie Guerrero. "Excuse me!" "No, excuse ME!" "No, excuse ME bitch!" And then the Boogeyman could show up and stuff worms down both their big mouths!

SOURCE

Also, while I'm on a wrestling post, I'd just like to say welcome back to my boy Christian who made his WWE return on ECW Tuesday night!!!





God, I missed that smirk! (although not enough to watch TNA)

Michael's latest disease

Michael Jackson used to come out with new albums. Then he'd come out new body parts. After that, he'd come out with new criminal accusations and lawsuits. It seems like his latest thing is to come out with a new disease every few months. If you remember, in the not too distant past there were rumors that he was suffering from some fatal lung disease. Then those rumors were shot down and we didn't hear much more about them.

Now there are reports that Michael has contracted a potentially "flesh-eating" superbug.

SUPERBUG!!

Michael allegedly got the infection while having his 73rd (rough estimate) nose surgery. A source said: "The infection has spread throughout his face and body and is being aggressively treated by doctors. There's a chance it could turn into a flesh-eating disorder where it begins to kill off his skin, so he's being very carefully monitored."

Michael was recently seen leaving a clinic, where he is allegedly being treated for the MRSA-like bug with an IV drip, wearing a surgical mask.

Celebrity plastic surgeon Dr. Anthony Youn commented : "It is possible that Mr. Jackson has a staph infection or MRSA. "In some worse cases surgeons will have to remove the infected tissue if it dies - leaving the patient needing major reconstructive surgery. It is particularly worrying if it's on the face."

See you next time when Michael is rumored to have gangrene!

Superbug's cute, isn't he?

SOURCE

Please no!

Limp Bizkit have announced that they are reuniting with the band's original line-up. They will reunite after eight years with a tour and a new album.

Fred "hire me as an actor" Durst and guitarist Wes Borland issued a joint statement:

"We decided we were more disgusted and bored with the state of heavy popular music than we were with each other. Regardless of where our separate paths have taken us, we recognize there is a powerful and unique energy with this particular group of people we have not found anywhere else. This is why Limp Bizkit is back."

Ok, first: Limp Bizkit is back because they need money and they know there are morons out there that will pay money to hear "Nookie."

Secondly, they're disgusted with the state of heavy popular music? Limp Bizkit is a very large part of the reason why music sucks so much today. Once that shit got popular, no one even bothered putting out decent music anymore.

SOURCE

Can you say uncomfortable?

In case you missed it, here's Joaquin Phoenix's "appearance" on Letterman last night:

Jay-Z is not pleased

As soon as the Chris Brown/Rihanna story hit, everyone's been saying "Ooh, Jay-Z's gonna kill that boy!"

While Jay-Z (Rihanna's mentor and/or ___) hasn't commented publicly on the incident yet, a source told Usweekly that Jay became enraged when he got news of the assault.

According to the source:"He hit the roof. Chris is a walking dead man. He messed with the wrong crew."

SOURCE

Bullshit with Nadya Suleman

"I have never thought of Angelina Jolie except the last time I saw one of her movies. I think that was years ago. It is so far away from the place I'm in right now to think of think of any celebrity." -- Nadya Suleman aka Crazy irresponsible octuplet welfare mom on her creepy obsession with being Angelina Jolie.

Umm?
I bet the sperm donor just happened to look just like Brad too.

SOURCE

ASSHAT OF THE WEEK

No surprise here.

Say goodbye to your career (and hopefully, your freedom) you piece of shit!

Because I Got High: Michael Phelps Edition

(hit play and sing along with the lyrics below)

I was gonna swim the race, until I got high
I was gonna win it and take first place, but then I got high
But I already got eight medals, so why even try? (why man?)
I’ll just get high
I’ll just get high
I’ll just get high

I was gonna do some laps before I got high
I coulda' backstroked and freestyled fast, but I got high
Now my gills will fester and I know why, (why man?)
'cuz I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

I was gonna make a protein shake, until I got high
I was gonna watch my fat intake, but then I got high
Now I got the munchies and want a pizza pie
Does Dominos
still have
the 5-5-5?

I was gonna sign some autographs, but I was high,
I was gonna pose for photographs, but I was high
Instead I’m on my couch watching Bill Nye, (who man?)
The Science Guy
The Science Guy
The Science Guy

I made a public apology, because I got high
I said I was ashamed and sorry, because I got caught--I mean high
Now I'm losing all my endorsements, and I don’t know why
I just got high
I just got high
I just got high

I really wasn’t planning to smoke that infamous night
I was just hanging out with some folks and I was shy
They passed that bong my way, gave me a high-five
(and yelled!)
“Go dolphin guy!”
“Go dolphin guy!”
“Go dolphin guy!

I'm not putting on my spandex thong, because I'm high
The only water’s in my bong, because I'm high
And I don’t give two shits, wanna know why? (why man)
'cuz I'm a rich guy
I’m a rich guy
So I’m getting high

AXL HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU I LIKE YOU

Hard to believe but our leader turns 47 years young today!

I pretty much exhausted every video and clip of Axl during my Greatest Moments in Axl History countdown a few months back, but I was fortunate enough to find a couple gems by typing "Happy Birthday Axl" into the searchbox on YouTube.

This one made me shed a tear:



But that's nothing compared to this one titled : "AXL HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU I LIKE YOU"



I know right...

Beautiful!! ! And no, that's not me. I wish I could say it was, but unfortunately, I will never be that gorgeous and talented. The emotion is breathtaking. I, for one, do not understand how that cardboard cutout didn't spring to life when she kissed it, you know like in Mannequin. Still, what a performance. It's just really too bad that the people she keeps tied up in her basement didn't sing backup because that really would have put the lotion in the basket.

Let's go Balistic!

Sorry, sorry. I went MIA again. Not really, I've been here, I was just lazy. But today I decided to check back on my blog and I'm so excited because I actually got a comment on my last post!!!! I have readers!!!! Well, a reader! Ok, technically it's spam, but I don't care, I'm invigorated! Watch out Perez and Dlisted, soon I may even get a comment from that millionaire dating site!!

I feel like dancing!!! Let's all (and by "all" I mean me and that spambot if he's still around) dance to my new favorite song. Of course I'm referring to "The Christina Bale Dance Remix (What don't you fucking understand?) "

I know you've all heard this already, but it's so addicting, it must be played again.
Seriously, you could tell me this was a real song and I'd be like "cool, is it new KMFDM?"