Starlift needs a little patience... Yeahahhhh

TMZ reports that my boy Axl Rose and the other members of "Guns N' Roses" have been sued by a logistics company hired for their 2006 tour. The company, Starlift Logistics claims that the band owes them $107, 000 in unpaid bills for transportation and touring services.

When reached for comment, W. Axl Rose said in a statement, "It is a very complex payment. We are working on the finishing touches on the payment. We are planning on executing the payment in full by March 6th. It will be the greatest payment. We'll see what happens."

He really wanted to hurt him

FROM PR INSIDE:
' Boy George has been arrested after allegedly imprisoning a male escort in his flat.

Auden Carlsen fled the singer's East London home in terror, claiming George and another man had grabbed him and chained him to a wall.

Carlsen - who claims he had agreed to pose for photos for the 'Do You Really Want To Hurt Me' singer and was not working as an escort - said: "I walked into the bedroom wearing my white underpants and a T-shirt and then I was jumped on by another man.

"George handcuffed me to a hook by the bed as they held me down." Carlsen then claims the other man left the room before the former Culture Club singer produced a box of sex toys and told him: "Now you'll get what you deserve." The 28-year-old Norwegian - who met George on the gay dating website Gaydar - says he pulled the hook from the wall and fled in his underpants before phoning the police from a nearby newsagent's on Saturday morning. George was later arrested and taken to a police station. He was then bailed by detectives probing assault and false imprisonment allegations.

The 45-year-old singer - who was unavailable for comment - was given community service in New York last year after a sizable amount of cocaine was found in his apartment.
Officers had originally been called to George's home after he claimed a rent boy had tried to steal from him. '

DAMN!

(that's all I got)

What the Fuck?

This is an anti-drunk driving Public Service Announcement called"Paris Hilton Autopsy." Artist Daniel Edwards, created this life-size clay sculpture of a naked and dead Paris on a coroner's table to teach the impressionable youth of today that life isn't all tiaras and cocaine when it comes to drunk driving. Edwards said the work is meant to counter of "the disturbingly glamorized trend of Hollywood's girls gone wild."

Tinkerbell's alive though so all is good.

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Pop Stars don't get speeding tickets y'all

Britney Spears was pulled over Friday on Sunset Boulevard for speeding but got off with only a warning.

Unfortunately Sean Preston wasn't so lucky and received a citation.

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Also, Britney looks wonderful and can't wait to get back to performing. (I'm waiting for my check. I know y'all paid PEOPLE to say that.)

In case you missed it - part 3

Ok, last one I promise!!! This was probably the best part of the 8 hour long Idol suck-a-thon from last night where, in case you haven't heard, NO ONE WAS SENT HOME!

Anyway here is the always awesome Jack Black doing his rendition of Seal's "Kiss From a Rose." LOVE HIM!

HUH?

Rapper Eve was arrested at 2:45 this morning for suspicion of driving under the influence after she crashed her Maserati on Hollywood Boulevard.

While in jail, Eve was visited by ...............Sean Penn? (video here) How random is that? Hollywood is so weird. Maybe Sean missed hanging out with one-named stars in the music business. I wonder if Robin is aware of all this.

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Did Prince call out Paris?

"Hey, you!! The skanky ass bitch, get your ass up here!"

FROM TMZ:
' Prince challenged Paris to a sing-off at his Las Vegas show -- and Paris Hilton couldn't step up, if a report in Us is to be believed. The hotel heiress was in the audience at Prince's Club 3121 show at the Rio Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, and Prince invited her onstage. When, according to Us, she skipped up to take her place in the spotlight, Prince handed her a mic and called out to the crowd, "Let's see if she can really sing," a challenge that so dismayed Paris that she ended up ditching the stage and leaving just two songs later. Paris' rep denies the incident. '


If this is true, Prince is the awesomest person to ever be awesome. But it's probably not since he's all religious and shit now.

In case you missed it part 2

Sorry, but I had to sit through 6 freaking hours of that drivel last night so I'm going to make you suffer. Idol Give Me Back My Time!

Here's another highlight from last night's show. It's a bunch of celebrites singing Stayin' Alive (brilliant song choice by the way, because the disease and poverty stricken people in Africa are indeed trying to do just that--you know, not DIE! Fucking asshats!) I bet all these celebs think they are doing something really great for charity by doing this and then they can go back to their spoiled, pampered lives and not feel the least bit guilty.

Anyway, it's pretty damn ridiculous. At first I was like--whoa, they got Michael Jackson? But it was just Teri Hatcher. The two Hughs were awesome though. Ever notice the older Goldie Hawn gets, the longer her bangs get? It's like rings on a tree. And Helena Bonham Carter scares the shit out of me. That is all.

Somewhere, Star Jones is laughing

So as she confirmed yesterday, Rosie O' Donnell, and ratings, are leaving The View. Although it's rumored to be because of Rosie's loud assmouth (you know, when nasty shit comes out of your mouth?) and controversial comments, no one's really sure of the real reasons. One report has said that it was over money and that Rosie wanted as much as 40 MILLION DOLLARS!! Yeah, forty. She seriously thinks she's worth A-Rod money? Bitch please! Another rumor is that the contract length was the problem and that ABC wanted Rosie to sign a three-year deal but she only wanted one year.

Whatever the reason, no one is going to watch anymore. Unless they could find a replacement that is equally annoying and loud. Hey, I know!!


She'd completely lose her shit!

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In case you missed it

So on last night's 4-hour long American Idol Telethon they raised Elvis from the dead to perform onstage with Celine Dion. Elvis reportedly wasn't too thrilled but as you can see, he's a true professional.

They actually did a pretty good job with the special effect (they used an Elvis impersonator stand-in during the taping ) but I had no idea Elvis was 9 feet tall!

Also, at the end watch closely and you'll see Sanjaya is also resurrected! (The duet was prerecorded before he got the boot)

IDOLS GONE WILD

Check out Carrie Underwood and rumored boyfriend (no, not Ben Affleck) Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo partying it up recently. Nothing wrong with that at all . It's nice to see having a good time. I just hope she asked Jesus to take the wheel as her designated driver.





PHOTO SOURCE
Don't worry Carrie, no one's gonna be talking about those pictures because people are too busy talking about these:


Sorry I didn't warn you first. Yup, that's Season 3 winner Fantasia bobo-ing her lady lumps for the cameraphone. Well allegedly.

Poor Fantasia. Jennifer Hudson gets Dreamgirls and the cover of Vogue, Fantasia gets a Lifetime movie and hacked photos of her ass on the internet.

Life is not a fairy tale indeed.

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I vote Rosie for next years Oscar host!

Rosie O'Donnell's emceed the Matrix Awards, an annual luncheon honoring New York women's accomplishments in media. The event was attended by 2,000 people including honorees Cindy Adams, Meredith Vieira, Joan Didion, Susan Lyne, Arianna Huffington and Lisa Caputo, and guests such as Rupert Murdoch, Joy Behar, Nora Ephron, Martha Stewart, and Hillary Clinton. Also there, seventeen high school girls who won scholarships to study media.

Pretty esteemed group huh? Bor--ing. Luckily for us Rosie decided it would be fun to drop a bunch of f-bombs during a self-indulgent rant about who else? Donald Trump of course! And she didn't stop there. She also grabbed her crotch and shouted "EAT ME!"

Barbara Walters was so embarrassed she lowered her head and covered her face with her hand.

Another guest, Robert Zimmerman said, "I was offended by how vulgar and common O'Donnell was. It was especially inappropriate with young people present." (Please, I'm sure the teenagers were the least offended out of anyone.)

Another woman who declined to be identified said, "I cringed and dove under the table when she said, 'Eat me.'" (My guess: Joy Behar)

Rosie's publicist attempted a little mop-up work by telling the NY Post: "When you ask for Rosie, you know what you're getting. She's not a shrinking violet. She's a stand-up comedienne. She says things that are provocative."

Also embarrassed to admit they were embarrassed was the managing director of N.Y. Women in Communications, Beth Ellen Keyes, who sent an e-mail to her handlers saying, "Rosie was fabulous. Please let Rosie know how much we appreciated her being there. She was just great."

Way to go Rosie! I bet she woke up this morning hoping it would be a bad dream. There's gotta be a video of this out there.

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Let's all laugh at Joe Francis in handcuffs!

We know it's you Joe! How's it feel to be the one embarrassed in public? He is shown here coming out of Federal Court in Panama City, Florida where he plead guilty today to one count of criminal contempt.

He faces three more weeks of jailtime so insecure college girls with stripper dreams--- drink up and head to beach!

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Whoa, check out Britney!

Looks like all those dance rehersals have been paying off. Or maybe it was the lipo. Or maybe it's airbrush tanner. Whatever it is, you go girl! Just lose the damn wig-hats.

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Sit down Peggy!

In more Asshats on a Plane news, Heather Mills and her Dancing With the Stars partner Jonathan Roberts were recently on a 10-hour Virgin Atlantic flight from Los Angeles to London when the entertainment system broke down.

Heather and Jonathan had the bright idea of cheering up the passengers with the art of dance, so they strapped on their dancing shoes (and in Heather's case, leg) and performed an impromptu foxtrot routine down the aisles of the plane (once the Fasten Seatbelts sign was turned off of course).

Problem was, the disgruntled passengers were not impressed and didn't applaud at the end of their number. Damn Beatles fans!

One passenger commented, "We weren't in a good frame of mind because of the broken entertainment system. When the dance routine, which moved from first-class to economy, finished, no one clapped because we were all in such a bad mood." (Wow, I guess they really, really wanted to see Employee of the Month.)

Another said, "She's no Sanjaya." (Ok, I know. It's run its course. Sorry)

That is hysterical. It reminds me of that scene in the Brady Bunch sequel. I guess this isn't going to make the opening filler montage before their dance on this week's show.

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BREAKING NEWS!! Brad and Angelina are not breaking up!

Despite reports in Star Magazine and Life & Style Weekly that there are problems between the two, Saint Angelina's manager Geyer Kosinski told US WEEKLY that , "They are together and very happy.”

Brad's publicist, Cindy Guagenti, also chimed in, "I responded to those two tabloids with the correct information and they choose not to run it. There is absolutely no trial separation. As a matter of fact, Brad and the kids are travelling to Prague to be with Angelina while she films her movie. Then they are both going to Cannes to promote Oceans 13 and A Mighty Heart. After that, the whole family is going to Los Angeles for the premiere of Oceans 13 and then to New York for the premiere of a Mighty Heart."

Hmmm, I'm not sure what to make of this. Usually when the representatives come out and deny problems that means there are problems, but I think the tabs are just foaming at the mouth and other orifices for this break-up so they'll have material for the next two years.

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Katie defies Tom again

According to Life and Style Magazine, Katie Holmes is secretly (well, maybe now not so much) talking to non-$cientologist pastors about Suri's upbringing and is looking to enroll Suri into "kiddie Catholicism" classes when she is older to learn about the faith.

Whoa, I'm really scared for her. When Tom gets word of this, it's back to the ol' deprogramming machine. Be strong Katie, Jesus will help you!

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In this week's celebrity-airline hissy fit news....

The National Enquirer reports that "Will & Grace" star Eric McCormack threw a tantrum so bad that the incident was reported to the FAA.

Apparently the crew of the Alaska Airlines flight he was taking with his 4-year-old son, Finnigan, (Finnigan?) violated regulations because it was too large and had to be stowed with the luggage.

A source said, "Eric screeched like a banshee when he didn't get his way. He yelled at crew members - telling them his family had used the seat on many flights in the past. But the price tag was still on it. And when an attendant turned over the seat, a warning label said, 'Not to be used on aircraft!'" BUSTED!

Eric continued ranting and raving, so long that the plane started taxing toward the runway. By then, it was too late to remove the seat. It's because of that that the violation was reported.

During this commotion, one passenger was said to be overheard saying "You're no Sanjaya!"

What the fuck?

When did these pleated, high-waisted Mom-jeans become the latest fashion craze? They are so chic, and by chic I mean Chic. I'm just waiting for people to start imitating this look in public, because you know they will. I plan to point and laugh at them. Please join me.

Seriously, ewwww.

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Goodbye Sanjaya

We all knew it would happen eventually.

You gotta give the kid credit though. He came out every week with that crazyass smile and awesome hair and did his best to entertain us, knowing full well we were all laughing and making fun. You try doing that. So he kind of rules. Rock on Sanjaya and good luck! I'm sure Pantene will be calling any day now with an offer. If not, you can mooch off your sister after she poses in Playboy.

Wow, this is so not how I thought I'd react. I think I may actually cry. Wipe my tears away Blake!

Oh yeah, has anyone checked on Ashley since last night? I'm afraid that moron on Starving For Sanjaya might have eaten her.

Ever wish you could have Paris Hilton cooties of your very own?

There is an auction on Ebay for a hamper that supposedly belonged to Paris Hilton. You can see the actual listing here. The opening bid is $50.00 and no one has bid yet.

The description reads:

This is truly PARIS HILTON HAMPER, where she kept all her dirty laundry.

The item comes with a certificate of authenticity from Star Style, who ran a Paris Hilton auction that included furniture and this piece. The Paris Hilton hamper is in excellent condition.

This is your chance to share in Paris' dirty laundry. No DNA found inside but maybe you have a better investigator. Valtrex sold separately.

The best part is the certificate of authenticity (click to enlarge):

So let's get to bidding people!

Linday needs Ritalin .... Seriously

Poor Lindsay is failing in her quest to be adequite. Everytime she gives an interview, it's spastic, incoherent, and crazy. She doesn't disappoint in her latest interview with Allure. Here are some random quotes:

"When my friends and family are around me I feel like they're safe . . . When my friends have left me - I've just seen everything collapse. They're not safe without me."

"It's so weird that I went to rehab. I always said I would die before I went to rehab."

"Everybody's tired of hearing things about me and them . . . I think it's just better for me to lie low and get better."

Oh Lindsay! Remember when you were just a cute little freckled girl who had a doll that turned into Tyra Banks? Where is that girl?

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Paula's a straight-up diva!

Paula Abdul tried to pull the ol' "Do you know who I am?" shit when she tried to board a Southwest flight from San Jose to Burbank recently. For those of you that don't know (including you Paula), Southwest has an open-seating policy. You buy a ticket and wait in line and it's first come, first serve. ( with the exception of young children, disabled people, and the elderly) That's why flights are $9.99.

But Paula didn't think that applied to her.

An "eyewitness" described the incident to Star, “She asked to be let on the plane and seated first."

Paula even reportedly said, “But I’m famous! I need to go on first!”

Then the most awesome thing happened. A fellow passenger yelled “You’re no Sanjaya! You have to board like everyone else.” You rule, Southwest Passenger!

The diva antics didn't end there though. When she finally was allowed to board, Paula pushed her way to the front and then tried to save the empty seat next to her--for her stuff. The flight attendant finally made her give it up.

Oh Paula, did you forget your pills? Remember when you were a young humble girl that just wanted to have a party ? Where is that girl?

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I kinda sorta feel bad for him

Star reports that everyone's favorite punchline, SANJAYA, was booed at the Dodgers/Padres baseball game at Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles on Saturday, April 14th. And he wasn't even singing.

An eyewitness said, "He was just sitting there having a good time with his friends, just like a regular person. And when the Dodger camera noticed him the camera guy ran over and taped him. Sanjaya's face pops up on the big screen right away. At first he smiled, he seemed to like the attention. But when the entire crowd at the stadium started to boo--and it was loud!--his smile faded a bit and his eyes looked sad. It's like he was trying to keep a fake smile on, but you could tell he was crestfallen. He just kept waving and smiling for a few seconds more then his image went off the screen."

Okay, first of all who is this eyewitness? "Crestfallen?" Who says that? The Smashing Pumpkins have a song called Crestfallen and they don't even use the word in it.

Second of all, I bet 95% of those people vote for him.

I kinda sorta feel bad for her

The I Love New York reunion show was on last night and Tango (the ninja-turtle looking"winner" from I Love New York who proposed to Tiffany on the finale) dumped her ass for being a bitch and saying mean things about his momma. So the guy proposed and played her for four months just so he could humiliate her on national television. Yeah, it's kind of awesome but also mean, hey just like Tiffany herself! She said she wished she had chosen Chance instead

Well, the good news is this means there will be an I Love New York 2, now with implants!

Oh yeah, and Pumkin and the Mr. Boston are supposedly a couple. NY didn't buy it though. Me neither.

If you missed it, it will be on 24/7 for the next month.

There's also a great recap here.

This is news?

"I'm bringing mucus back"

Well at least he's honest. Timberfuck recently announced to the world, "I pick my nose and I'm not ashamed to admit it. If there's a bogey there then just pick it man!"

In other Justin news, this week he's dating Jessica Biel, again. A source said that the two were all over each other at a recent party. "If Jessica was talking to a group of girls, Justin would come over, kiss her neck and start making out with her." Of course this means he'll be back with Scarlett Johanson by Wednesday.

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See what you started Angelina!!

I'm kidding, I think adoption is great. It's just funny how it's become a trend now and all of Hollywood has gone baby-crazy. Here are the latest future MILF's to jump on the babywagon:

"Of course I want to have kids. I want to have my own kids, but also adopt. For a while I've had the feeling that my life won't be complete if I don't adopt." - Penelope Cruz

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'Having children is my next big project. I'm planning on becoming pregnant by the end of the year – it's my age, it's only natural. If it can't happen naturally, Gabriel and I will adopt.' - Halle Berry

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Way to go!

I would like to take this moment to congratulate Paris Hilton on finding two things she thought she had lost forever, Tinkerbell and her panties. Props to you Paris! I'd give up on the search for your dignity though.

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Sorry, that's just nasty

In an interview with PEOPLE, the most recent Idol bootee Stacey, um, I mean Haley Scarnato revealed that the cheap bastards at American Idol made her wear Katharine McPhee's used hair extensions.

"Yes, that is true," Haley answered, "I think it's cool. They can wash them, so it's fun. I think it's cool to wear the hair extensions of Katharine McPhee. She's Katharine McPhee!"

Well I guess in order to pay Seacrest the big bucks, they had to make some cutbacks. Word is they saved more on the hair extensions than they did when they got rid of Brian Dunkelman.

Asshat Idol- Top 8

When we last left our Idols, something terrible was headed their way. It appeared to be a man in a leather jacket about to waterski over a shark! He ended up making a U-Turn though because he realized he was going the wrong way to Wisteria Lane. "Every damn time I go there, I get lost!" he thought angrily! But as he turned around, the shark jumped up out of the water yelling "First the Jaws franchise, now a tired old catchphrase! Can't everybody just leave me be and let me sleep? And you wonder why we're so mean!" And he bit the man, later identified as Fonzie. Fortunately, Fonzie was airlifted to a nearby hospital. He was treated for the bite but then the doctors determined he may also have a rare and debilitating disease, but they didn't know which one. So they are currently performing dangerous and gruesome tests on him, including a brain biopsy, temporarily paralyzing him, and searching for additional hidden sexual organs, among others. When reached for comment the head doctor said "Bite me!" We will keep you updated on Fonzie's condition.

Meanwhile, little did the people of Idoland know that something much worse than the jumping of a shark was about to happen.

Tuesday night:

"Wait a second!! That ain't Carlos Santana!"

"Oh, now I'm pissed!"

"LIARS!!!!!"

Phil: "I will slaughter you all in the name of Satan!"
Ryan: "That actually means 'I love you.' "

"The things I have to do get votes. {wipes mouth} "Ok, who's next?"

Ryan: "Blake, MY MAN! Great job! If you want to vote for Blake, please call 1-866-IDOLS-07."
Blake: "Could you maybe stop fondling my anus now?"

BREAKING NEWS: We just received an update on Fonzie. They found the problem in exactly 54 minutes! Turns out it was just exhaustion due to all the jumping he's been doing lately plus he's on cancellation duty--The Black Donnellys, 7th Heaven, The Wedding Belles, too much for one man, even the Fonz. So he is currently resting comfortably in a musical montage set to an emotional and fitting song, spliced in with scenes of the doctors in the hospital dealing with their own problems and convictions.

Now back to our recap:

"Everyone at home look into my sultry eyes for it is Sanjaya time!"

"You are all my disciples. You will do everything I say."
Audience: "YEESS MASSTTERR SANJAAYYYAA."

"You all make Sanjaya very happy. Bless you all."

Ryan: "Um, you guys, do you notice anything weird about Sanjaya?"

Randy: "No, I don't see anything wrong with MASTER SANNNJJAAYYYYAAA."
Paula: "Dude, I told you not to mix the green and blue pills."

"SANNNJAAAYYAAAAA."

"You've all gone bloody apeshit.......Oh, wait, this is bad. Wrap it up Ryan!"

Ryan: "Thanks for watching American Idol, voting opens now!"
Phil: "I'm still gonna kill you fuckers. See, the sign of Satan!"
Ryan: "Oh no, what's happening?"


"No one will stop me now! MUHHAHUHHAHAAAAA!"

To Be Continued........